The twin worlds of rock n'roll and amateur archaeology are aflame today with news that Bill Wyman is bringing out his own signature metal detector. Excellent news, if only because it means there's now a second thing everyone knows about the former Rolling Stone bassist - other than the fact he once went out with a 13-year old.

Is this the most ludicrous piece of rock merchandise ever conceived? Far from it. Only this week we heard that hair metal bozo Vince Neil has launched his own Motley Crue-branded ocean cruises - marketed under the name of, you guessed it, Motley Cruise. Then of course there were the limited edition Joy Division trainers (we're still convinced that was a hoax), and the new flavour of Ben & Jerry's ice cream, Bohemian Raspberry. "It's Queentastic!", chortled guitarist Brian May when he heard the news (then again May is a sucker for this kind of tat - he once enthused on his blog about a Queen toothbrush that plays We Will Rock You while you clean your teeth).

The history of rock is littered with desperate attempts to fleece loyal fans. KISS coffins, 50 Cent condoms, Electric Six vibrators ('Danger! High Voltage!' Geddit?) ... distressingly, the rapper Nelly once brought out an own-brand energy drink with the less-than-mouthwatering name of Pimp Juice.

Then of course there's the none-more-tasteful Kurt Cobain action figure. Brilliant. Pull the cord and hear him scream "I hate myself and want to die." Perfect for kids of all ages.

Can anyone think of any worse examples?