We recently had an email from a reader asking us to recommend songs to play at her wedding, to soundtrack the all-important first dance. It got us thinking... if you were the wedding DJ, welcoming the bride and groom on to the dancefloor, what are the worst, most unpleasant, anti-social anthems you could unleash at that moment? Here's our Top 10.
1. W.A.S.P. Animal (Fuck Like A Beast)
Singer Blackie Lawless’ bellowed exhortation to “nail your ass to the sheets” is unlikely to strike the requisite note of tender sanctity.
2. Dead Kennedys - Too Drunk To Fuck
A common problem after a boozy reception.
3. Joy Division - Love Will Tear Us Apart
A wedding is no time to wallow in existential despair. That can wait ‘til the honeymoon.
4. Ted Nugent - Thunder Thighs
“She sets me free when she sits on me!”, howls gun-toting metal berk Nugent on this hymn to fat love. Inappropriate.
5. Dolly Parton – DIVORCE
We jest, but many a loathsome, Pat Sharpe-style wedding DJ has no doubt played this “for a laugh”.
6. Grinderman - No Pussy Blues
The bride’s extended family is sure to see the funny side when this deafening tale of frustrated lust blasts from the PA.
7. Guns N' Roses - Used To Love Her (So I Had To Kill Her)
The sneering pay-off - “And I can still hear her complain” - makes this of the most genuinely unpleasant, misogynistic rock songs this side of The Beatles’ Run For Your Life.
8. The Smiths - Girlfriend In A Coma
The perfect song to play while the groom sobs uncontrollably, face down in the wedding cake.
9. Queen – Fat Bottomed Girls
“Get on your bikes and ride!” Oh Freddie Mercury, you silver-tongued charmer, you.
10. Cannibal Corpse – I Cum Blood
They’ll be rolling in the aisles when it gets to the bit about “tonguing her rotting anus.”
"My Wife" by The Who. Just a classic, a man running away from his wife and buying up weaponry (tank, iron boots, etc..) to protect himself from her. The happy couple could run around the dancefloor
Especially for Catholic weddings, how's about 'Don't Think You're The First' by the Coral?
Posted by Massive Curtis at 09:27AM | May 10, 2007
Gotta be Smack my bitch Up, what a way to start a marriage
Posted by Alex at 04:24PM | May 10, 2007
I've always thought that 'Every Breath You Take' by The Police is a stunningly inappropriate song for this sort of occasion but I've heard it at least three times at weddings.
Posted by Garry at 05:44PM | May 11, 2007
How about The Aloof and "One night stand"?
Posted by Scarborough Soul Boy 1969 at 06:50PM | May 11, 2007
How about The Aloof "One night stand" should go down well!
Posted by Kevin Bradshaw at 06:51PM | May 11, 2007
There's always The The "Infected" - might raise a few eyebrows!!!
;o)
Posted by Scarborough Soul Boy 1969 at 06:53PM | May 11, 2007
How about the gay anthem "I am what I am" - that's sure to concern the new wife!!
Posted by Scarborough Soul Boy 1969 at 06:54PM | May 11, 2007
I'm on a roll now ; Queen "I want to break free"?
Posted by Scarborough Soul Boy 1969 at 06:55PM | May 11, 2007
How about Rid Of Me by PJ Harvey? Sexy MF by Prince? Play Dead by Bjork? Also, another PJ Harvey one, Easy.
How about that gentle pastoral slice of folk/industrial crossover that is Nine Inch Nails' Closer? Preferably complete with video.
Posted by batmanbatman at 11:20PM | May 11, 2007
How about Kaiser Chiefs 'Everyday I Love You Less and Less'
Posted by Squiffy at 11:58AM | May 12, 2007
definitely P.I.L. "This is not a love song". I'd show the cover, too...
Posted by min at 05:09PM | May 13, 2007
Was at a Welsh wedding in the 90's where the Dj chose to play "All That She Wants (Is Another Baby)" by Ace of Base as the first song....
Posted by chris at 11:33AM | May 14, 2007
How About Bad Medicine by Bon Jovi
Pretty Fly for a White Guy by Offspring and
One by U2? (One is mistakenly a Love Song but listen to it properly, it's more about divorce!)
Posted by Adrian Cartridge at 12:54PM | May 15, 2007
You should have been in the registry office when my wife-to-be and I got the hump over the draconian limits placed on our allowed choices. Julie turned round and said, "I suppose 'Smack My Bitch Up' is out then?"
Posted by Matt at 10:23PM | May 31, 2007
Well I have to say Mr. Brightside by The Killers! Very twisted and not what you want to think about at your wedding. Or Somebody Told Me. That would be classic!
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